DEAR MIKE PENCE:

I don’t know you, sir, but through an extraordinary set of circumstances, you are in a position to help save our country. You seem like a smart guy, in a political sort of way. Your calculation to sign on as Trump’s running mate may well serve your political aspirations if there isn’t total mayhem after November 8.

And you could still end up as the Republican candidate for president if one of Trump’s apoplectic fits raises his blood pressure a tad too high. He’s gone beyond orange to scarlet.

Either way, you have a clear assignment. It’s an assignment from God! You like that kind, right? Calling yourself a Christian, you may already be familiar with this one:  “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This would include everyone, like black people and Muslims and even Democrats.

And gay people. I know you’ve had some trouble with that one in the past, but God’s job is changing hearts, so you just never know.

Contemplation:

This assignment is going to take some self-reflection.

My recommendation is that you spend time in silent prayer for starters. I know you have a busy schedule these days, but please, your self-reflection could prevent a lot of violence in America and could quite conceivably prevent World War III as well.

Sit quietly. Don’t tell God what you think should happen, just be quiet and sit still. Be willing to consider the fact that you might not know everything. Read a little of your Bible if you want, something like these verses from a letter by Jesus’s friend Peter:

“Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here’s what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you’re worth.”

(1 Peter 3-11 from The Message Bible)

“Snub evil and cultivate good. Run after peace for all you’re worth.” Got that?

Take Action:

This next step takes courage: you must move to action — remember, this love and peace thing is an assignment from God!

You must be a grown-up, Mr. Pence, regardless of what Donald Trump may be doing or saying, or how he may react. You two generally ignore each other anyway, so he might not even notice what you’re saying.

You must say publicly, over and over, that our democracy is essentially sound and that the elections are not rigged. Sure, say the media is biased (heck, any thinking person knows there is no such thing as “news” anymore).

I’ve heard you kinda sorta mumble that “we” will accept the results of the election, but we need more than that from you. You can’t just sneak away after the election and let those raging, pumped up people run wild. That would not be loving your neighbor or your country. The Bible says “run after peace for all you’re worth,” not “run away from the inferno you’ve ignited and hide out till the flames die down.”

You need to say this out loud, in public, into microphones: “There is no global conspiracy to defeat us. There is no reason to get your guns out.”

In fact, call a press conference. Say that you have breaking news: announce that you have unearthed some emails that show that there is no global conspiracy! Tweet it! With CAPITOL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!  @NoConspiracy @disarm!

Win, Win, Win!!

And if you won’t do it for Jesus, do it to pave the way for your 2020 run. Because the majority of Americans still vote for mentally stable adults. Plus, we would like our country to still be here in four years. Thank you for your time, Mr. Pence.

Mike Pence, looking like a grown-up

Mike Pence, looking like a grown-up

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