Now I’ve gone and done it – I’ve joined an online dating site and THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE! How do I get out of this?

I assure you that my actions were entirely unpremeditated, and there was no alcohol involved.

Well, OK, I had a few glasses of Cabernet with my girlfriend the other night, and I do blame her for egging me on and for showing me how the dating site works and telling me amazing dating stories.

But today when I actually signed up, my mind had been clouded by nothing. Unless you can call curiosity a clouding agent.

I didn’t realize I was doing it; I was just investigating, clicking around, and the next thing I knew, I was “live!”


You see, I’ve been single a very, very long time and I’m quite happy, rarely feeling the need for male companionship except when the trash is extraordinarily stinky or the lawn needs mowing and it’s 98 degrees out. Otherwise, I’m good, thank you very much.

I don’t think I’m in denial. I simply like my space. I like my life – why complicate things?

So I don’t know what possessed me. But there you have it.

A Pack of Wolves

Within the first few minutes, seventeen guys had invaded my space, which made me feel like there was a pack of wolves after me until I realized that this attitude is likely one of the reasons I’m not a big dater. Or any kind of dater.

I’m scared of the male animal.

I’m working on this, especially because it impacts my relationship with God, who I unfortunately can’t help envisioning as a white male. I find it hard to trust in a loving Higher Power if I think HE might go into a rage or start sleeping around.

But a wise girlfriend of mine recently had me list all of the men I love and all of their good qualities. As it turns out, I have a lot of fine male friends who have a lot of outstanding qualities. They totally love me, and I totally love them.

And I trust them.

Rationally, I know that males are not horrid and out to get me. It just feels that way.

Wildlife Research

One of the personality questions this dating site asked was, “Would you do something dangerous or crazy just because you might have good stories to tell later?” I said no. Now I realize that (neurotic as it sounds) my new online adventure feels like exactly that.

So that’s how I’ll look at it. I am a budding writer. A blogger. I need material. I need stories to tell.

I’m going to call this “research,” and then I’ll be in charge . . . or at least I can tell myself that.

Already, I’m curious about these dudes who have no shirt on in their profile pictures. What’s that about? Put your damn clothes on.

I’ve come across a few contenders who have pictures of their CARS as their profile. Really? Better than a shotgun, but not by much.

Some men post pictures of themselves in hotel mirrors. Don’t they have any real pictures, like at a barbecue or with friends at a baseball game? Do they use work trips to peruse dating sites while their wives sit home oblivious?  (I told you I had trust issues.)

Peeking out from behind the underbrush, I enter uncharted territory and begin to research the wildlife in the area.

Now Who's the Stalker?

Now Who’s the Stalker?

I would love to hear your experiences in the world of online dating – weddings, warnings, war stories, whatever. . .

Lovely photo courtesy of Oregon Fish and Wildlife — Thanks!

Here’s an interesting review site  for online dating services.