There are things about aging that truly suck, for lack of a more graceful word. They just do. For instance, my knee is all funky today. No reason, it’s just not as young as it used to be. So I decided not to go to the gym. Which reminded me that in the olden days, or rather the youngen days, I could drop 10 or 15 pounds just by switching from bagels to yogurt for a few weeks.
I’ve been working out regularly for nearly a year now, after a long spell of being about as active as a marshmallow that rolled under the couch a few years back and has half-melted into the carpet.
No weight loss. Nada. Please don’t tell me that muscle weighs more than fat; I tell myself that all the time. But wouldn’t you think….
Still, I have changed shape a little, and I can go upstairs without getting out of breath. That’s a good thing.
Sometimes my hip hurts; sometimes my back hurts. I can’t see close-up without reading glasses now. And here’s something – I have wrinkles on my earlobes. ON MY EARLOBES.
But I guess that Mother Theresa had wrinkles just about everywhere, and she did OK. She had a lovely wrinkly smile.
My Birthday is a Big Secret
Regardless, I still love my birthday, which is this week. I want everyone to know about it and treat me extra super special.
But I won’t tell you exactly when it is, lest you then seek out my address, my mother’s maiden name, the last four digits of my social, the name of my childhood best friend, and the nickname of my oldest sibling, with which you could find out all my passwords and bust into my accounts and steal my identity, and then I would crack, just crack under the strain because I would feel so violated and all, and I would start losing sleep because nobody would understand why this was a total intrusion into my actual self, you see, as if someone had broken into my very soul, and then my friends would tire of hearing about it and start thinking I should get over it, and even my therapist would say, “Enough,” and then I would feel isolated and alone and get weird.
And we wouldn’t want that.
Here is a picture of me with a corn chip on my nose.
Parties, not Prose
Suffice to say, it is my birthday week, and I don’t have the inclination to create a truly insightful, spiritually enriching, or even mildly entertaining blog post this week. I have a Monty Python play to attend, dinners to ingest, long lunches to linger over, and parties at which I must embarrass myself.
I’m going to my first “pub trivia quiz,” which should be seriously embarrassing, because some hold the notion that with age at least comes wisdom. They will find out otherwise at the pub quiz. But my buddies and I will laugh, and they will insist on buying me a few drinks and maybe some hummus with pita, and I will feel grateful for the fact that at least I’m still around to discover new wrinkles and experience new aches and pains.
Here is a picture of me in Saint Croix on my 21st birthday, trying to feed a leaf to a hermit crab.
And here is a picture of my “birthday frog,” which I bought on that same day in Saint Croix, and which I still wear around my neck for the two weeks bookending my birthday. Isn’t he a charming companion? (Charming, get it? A frog charm? HA! Am I not the funniest person you know?)
Richard Daybell
Apr 30, 2013 @ 11:50:04
A birthday week? Act any age you want. Now get back to work.
melanielynngriffin
Apr 30, 2013 @ 17:42:50
Ouch. Reality is overrated, too.
Steven Hooper
Apr 19, 2013 @ 23:30:28
l just adore that photo of you at 21—talk about HOT –l say sizzling. Anyway, l still adore you—ear lobe wrinkles and all. Much love always.
melanielynngriffin
Apr 20, 2013 @ 00:01:05
Hey – look who’s here! If it ain’t my first love. Did you ever see that you were featured in my blog? Here: https://melanielynngriffin.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/an-elemental-longing/
william smith
Apr 16, 2013 @ 13:58:06
I think we should get really drunk and give the most wrong and obnoxious answers at the quiz. let the other teams play serious. WTH, its your birthday
melanielynngriffin
Apr 16, 2013 @ 16:40:44
I’m in. I don’t think I have to get too drunk to be obnoxious and wrong! Can’t wait. A couple of my wrong and obnoxious high school buddies are coming, too. The place won’t know what hit them.
indiid
Apr 16, 2013 @ 08:38:46
Well then, Happy Birthday, or – to make that day even more special for you (poor attempt, probably) – as we say in Switzerland: Alles Gueti zum Geburtstag! (Bet you never ever received birthday wishes in Swiss German! Poor you, you had to reach the age of … to get them! :D)
Have a smashing day! Never mind age, it changes every year anyway!
melanielynngriffin
Apr 16, 2013 @ 10:27:13
Wow – thank you! Isn’t blogging great? A happy birthday wish from Switzerland!
Michelle at The Green Study
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:19:16
Happy Birthday! I just had to laugh at your downward security spiral. Paranoid minds think alike. Have a great week!
melanielynngriffin
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:52:42
Thank you! I know, for someone as absurdly “what you see is what you get” as I am, the idea of protecting my identity is nigh on impossible, but I do give it some effort.
You have a great week, too, even if you are not getting older in it.
Michelle at The Green Study
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:56:05
Getting older every minute….
Brigitte
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:19:02
Melanie, don’t ever grow up! Love the pics and seriously there isn’t much difference between that lovely 21-year-old and that chick with a corn chip on her nose. Your birthday week sounds divine. Monty Python and PUB trivia. How can you top that? I bet you’ll be wearing your lucky frog — very cool — and I read somewhere that people who have wrinkles on their ears are destined for greatness. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
melanielynngriffin
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:51:03
Thanks, Brigitte – not much danger of that, apparently. I think if the growing up thing was going to happen, there would be some evidence by now.
Destined for greatness, hmmm? Maybe I should stop moisturizing my ear lobes!
Thank you!
Oliver Gray
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:17:50
Nice post! Do hermit crabs eat leaves? I never knew.
melanielynngriffin
Apr 15, 2013 @ 18:48:05
No, as it turns out, they do not. 🙂 I believe I said I was “trying to feed” the hermit crab a leaf. I’m sure I had in the back of my mind that I would bring it home. Fortunately for the creature, I did not do so! Had it eaten the leaf, I might have tried.