“Hey girl, you’re bald!” My friend pretended not to hear, as our escalator descended, leaving the boys’ laughter behind. I heard well enough, and my stomach lurched as if we were on a carnival ride. Those cruel words were called out decades ago, but I can still hear them.
I’ve lived most of my life with the shame and embarrassment of having large bald patches on my head, and oftentimes no eyebrows or lashes. My condition made me sit in the back of the classroom all my life, when I’m naturally a front-row kind of gal. It’s kept me from going swimming, from spending the night with friends, from ever going to a hair stylist.
Once I told a boyfriend that I had been in a car accident and they had needed to shave my head, and the hair never grew back because of anxiety. Turns out his father was a medical doctor and told my boyfriend that he didn’t know what my issue was, but I was a liar.
Once Dear Abby told a girl who had written in that it was a throw-back to the monkeys who pick lice off each other. Oh. My. God. She should have been horribly punished. You can imagine how this helped a teenager who already thought she was a freak.
I suffer from Trichotillomania, “the hair-pulling disease.” It’s one of a spectrum of disorders classified as “impulse control disorders.” There’s a lot of discussion about how it should be classified – it resembles obsessive-compulsive disorder, and they are now researching a family of disorders called “body-focused repetitive behaviors.” One in fifty people have it to some extent.
I know the classification and science are important, as far as getting research dollars and insurance coverage and such. But for me, it’s a personal issue. I don’t really care what they call it.
I never intended to tell you about it, blog friends, but I’m sharing this because I just found out that this is Trichotillomania and Skin-picking Awareness Week. I wish there had been such a thing when I was growing up. I’ve been hiding long enough, and if I can help just one person suffering in shameful solitude, I thought it would be worth it to speak up. Here’s a link to an organization that can help you, or your loved one, if you have this disorder.
The Trichotillomania Learning Center, TLC: http://www.trich.org/
In the meantime, if you have a child that does this, please don’t slap their hands away. It won’t help. If you know someone with bald patches, don’t ask them, “What happened to your hair?” They’ll tell you if they want to. And while I’m making suggestions, if you’re prone to saying, “It just made me want to pull my hair out,” well, maybe you could stop. That phrase makes 1 in 50 cringe.
I want to add my happy and miraculous ending. I’m eternally grateful to my therapist, Joanne, for introducing me to the practice of “tapping,” or Emotional Freedom Technique, which has given me three years, two months and seven days of pull-free living. If you’re curious, check it out: http://eft.mercola.com/ I don’t understand how it works, but it does, using the same energy meridians as acupuncture, but without the needles. (Yay!) My fine, straight hair has grown back thick and curly, as if I had been through chemo. It is without a doubt the most beautiful head of hair on the planet.
Thanks for listening. Back to my regular rambling posts later this week.
Aug 18, 2014 @ 22:13:20
hi melanie, could you help me with the affirmations you used while tapping and eventually what positive affirmation you used to make it disappear, i know uptil’even though i have this hair pulling disorder,i compleely accept myself. further on,i don’t know what to say. do email me if possible, it would help me tremendously
Aug 19, 2014 @ 09:51:15
Sure! Glad you are trying it out. Of course, different things help different people, but this sure worked for me.
Aug 19, 2014 @ 09:53:55
Send me your email, I can’t seem to link to you from your gravitar.
Mar 16, 2014 @ 19:48:32
Oct 05, 2012 @ 09:57:57
I followed your comment to this blog. You wondered why people liked it. To me, it was honest in a very lucid, simple way. ALthough I’ve never had this condition, I’ve been thinking about this ever since I read it. I’ll think many times now before using the expression you mention: pulling out one’s hair in frustration. Very poignant. This piece showed me how the simplest pieces of writing are the best ones.
Oct 05, 2012 @ 10:57:17
I think that’s right. Apparently, a must-write cry from the heart can reach a lot more people than an oh-so-carefully polished post. Live and learn! But you can’t force those pieces or put them on a schedule. Another good thing about blogging is that it cures perfectionism and control issues…well, not *cures*, exactly. Thanks for your comment, love your blog!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 13:56:18
Have you seen the episodes of “Obsessed” where they address this? I was in tears over the girl with the blue and black wig.
Reminds me of a post I made, “Insults from strangers” about being heckled by strangers on the street when I was fat. People do some cold things.
Oct 03, 2012 @ 14:12:36
Thanks – no, I haven’t seen that show. Real life is hard enough! I’ll check out your post. I saw a great video of an news anchorwoman calling out a “bully” who had criticized her weight. Inspiring
Oct 03, 2012 @ 11:34:20
This is so wonderful that you are sharing this. There is no shame in having a disorder. People aren’t expected to be ashamed when they get a cold, or a flu. This is no different in my mind. Thank you for being so brave and reaching out, sharing your personal experience so that others can understand and provide support.
Oct 03, 2012 @ 09:28:27
That could not have been easy to share with us. I, for one, have never heard of this disorder but will certainly be sensitive to the cause for patchy hair loss in the future. I’m an alcoholic and people just don’t undertand that you just can’t have one drink. I’ve been clean since September 19, 1979, not one drop. Thank you for sharing your situation and good luck on remaining on the program. – Bob
Oct 03, 2012 @ 10:45:26
Thanks Bob. My father was an alcoholic who never sought recovery and died at 58. I salute your courage and strength! Isn’t it odd, how the very things we try to hide from others are the things that give us common ground and compassion? As it turns out, none of us is perfect – go figure! Congrats on 33 years – I have a friend who just passed 20 years in recovery! Yay, HP!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 09:20:10
wow, you are a star, your bravery and honesty will help people and make you a better writer at the same time, win, win!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 10:42:43
Thanks! I woke up this morning and thought, oh no, did I really just send that out to the world? But I’ve already heard from one person in a FB message who has trich and never sought help cause of embarrassment – now she knows what it is! Worth the post!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 01:20:35
Melanie, I know you as a beautiful, brave person with beautiful hair who always tries to help people. Nothing has changed!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 01:26:49
Awww- thanks, Kerri! Peace to you!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 00:49:21
Thanks for sharing this; I am sure it will help others facing this problem or any other problem–including me
You have such beautiful long hair I never would have guessed.
Oct 03, 2012 @ 01:27:14
Ah yes, we trich people are masters of disguise! 🙂
Oct 03, 2012 @ 00:43:57
Thank you for sharing this; I am sure it will help not only anyone who has the same problem but also those of us with any kind of a problem we don’t like to discuss. I must admit when I saw your photo, I thought “wow, she still has her pretty, long hair”– never guessing that you had ever had a problem with it. Goes to show one never knows another’s troubles just by looking!
Oct 03, 2012 @ 00:40:11
Melanie, I knew about this, but I didn’t realize you’d kicked it! That’s absolutely fantastic — congratulations!!!